This just in. Based on my own informal survey from this past weekend's travels, three out of four airline seatmates are interested in where you are going and why. Note to self: potential here for big fun creating back stories for future trips and documenting gullibility levels of fellow seatmates. I may be returning from a small remote village, (small villages must by literary rule be described as remote), in the Himalayas where I was called to verify the sighting of a purple-throated flying piglet, an odd little thing long considered extinct by my colleagues. I shall report my findings here.
However, as this weekend's actual activities were witnessed by many book lover and author type people, (translation: people who remember things and write them down), I will now attempt full disclosure.
I was at the South Carolina Book Festival people, and it was all kinds of fun. In the event that you have never been to a book festival, we'll start with the basics. Lots of people who love books come and sit in rooms where people who write books sit on a panel and talk about why they wrote the books with what they hope are equal doses of intelligence, humor, and/or charm in order to get the people who like books to hopefully buy said books in such large numbers that the people who wrote the books will get invited to other book festivals. It is rumored that some of the people who write books don't really like to go to book festivals at all because they are only serious about writing books and not at all interested in whether people buy their books. This is a lie but you did not read that here.
For the record, I was shooting for humor and charm more so than intelligence, my thinking being that I was there by increasing my odds, or at least that was my plan. If I never go to another book festival we will all know how well that went.
I will be really sad about that, too, on a number of levels. One being that I will not be able to hang with the cool writer people. I'm getting really used to hanging with cool writer people. As of this writing, they do not know that I'm not really one of them so I plan to milk this as long as possible.
Things I am denying:
There may be some stories circulating about someone you know wearing a fireman's hat and being involved in some sort of YMCA dance but there is no official documentation, nothing, nada, only one grainy photograph so take that Karen Spears Zacharias.
Someone was nailed by a volunteer while trying to stick her big fat purse and her friend's big fat coat under the tablecloth at a big fancy event because they were tired of toting them but Karen White and I know nothing about this.
Some of the authors may have picked at Patti Calahan Henry unmercifully because she couldn't come, even taunting her with mass emails about the fun they were having without her but I tried to get them to stop. Honest.
Robert Dugoni and Jack Riggs were overheard discussing the best ways to intimidate someone and it is said they mentioned using a baseball bat but I don't think it would be fair to insinuate anything sinister here so I'm not going to mention it.
Marjory Wentworth and I did not exchange vows of any kind, just pinky rings, people! Have mercy...
Things I contend:
Paula Watkins is Book Festival Director Extraordinaire. The SC Festival Rocks!
Jackie Cooper, the Entertainment Man of Middle Georgia is as warm and genuine in person as he is when he calls in to my radio show, the first Friday of every morning on FOXFM92.7. (That's called a shameless plug and I'm getting really good at it, don't 'cha think?)
Scott Hueler and Lane Filler, may have been sharing one brain and it may have been hard to tell who was using it at any given time. I'm just saying.
Mary Hutchins Harris secretly yearns to line dance.
Tiffany Warren can probably out line dance me on one leg, but she has two so we'll never know will we?
Susan Rebecca White can't be older than twelve. Look at her. She is impersonating an adult and it's not fair.
T. Lynn Ocean so wanted the scarf my sweet reader gave me. Twitter the truth, Tracey!
In closing, Karen Spears Zacharias and I did not convert to Islam.
Note to self: It is unlikely paper umbrellas will secure a win on America's Next Great Inventor. Must continue looking for the purple-throated flying piglet.
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